My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
