guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
