:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
