My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
