I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
