Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
