I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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