Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
