grandma shit on top of the toilet
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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