last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My feet surprised me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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