I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
