I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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