I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Found the puke drawer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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