Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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