My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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