I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
