Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
