this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
