so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
