i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just pee around me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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