I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
