2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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