Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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