I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
