Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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