Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
