Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
