I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cockslap morals
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
