Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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