Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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