I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
