I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
