Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
