his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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