? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
