hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
