we made out on top of his cat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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