and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
