I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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