cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
