Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
