I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
