Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
