i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
