One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
