dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
