that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
