College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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