Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
two words...techno handjob
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
