I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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