If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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